When families think about hosting an Au Pair, they often picture toddlers and young kids—playdates, story time, and crafts. And truthfully, bonding with younger children tends to happen quickly. But when it comes to tweens and teenagers, things get more complicated.
If you’re wondering how to help your Au Pair connect with older kids, you’re not alone. Many host families struggle with this dynamic. Older children may be more reserved, more independent, and less enthusiastic about new caregivers in their space.
But there’s good news—strong, meaningful Au Pair bonds with teens and tweens can happen, with the right tools and a little intentional effort.
Here’s how to bridge the gap and encourage connection:
1. Create 1-on-1 Time Away From Younger Siblings
If your Au Pair is mostly focused on younger kids during the day, older children may feel sidelined. Give your tween or teen a chance to bond on neutral ground.
Try this:
- A solo outing with the Au Pair (coffee shop, local bookstore, sporting event)
- A shared experience like a baking night or DIY project
Dedicated 1-on-1 time helps your Au Pair build trust with older children and gives them the space to talk, laugh, and learn about each other without distractions.
2. Use a Back-and-Forth Journal to Build a Bond Over Time
One of the most effective tools we’ve found is our Au Pair Back and Forth Journal—designed specifically to encourage communication between Au Pairs and older host kids.
📔 👉 Get the Au Pair Back and Forth Journal here
Why it works:
- Opens a line of private, low-pressure communication
- Gives teens and tweens a safe way to express themselves
- Sparks fun, meaningful conversations on their terms
Topics range from silly and fun to thoughtful and deep—helping your child see their Au Pair as a real person, not just a caregiver.
If you’re serious about improving Au Pair bonding with your teen, this journal is a gentle but powerful tool.
3. Encourage Mutual Interests (Even If They’re Small)
Your teen doesn’t have to become best friends with your Au Pair—but small shared interests can go a long way.
Easy connection points:
- Favorite music, video games, or YouTubers
- Cultural exchange (ask your teen to teach your Au Pair an American trend, or vice versa)
- Favorite foods or snacks from each other’s countries
The goal is to help your Au Pair and older child build a relationship based on mutual respect, curiosity, and small shared experiences.
4. Let Your Teen Take the Lead Sometimes
Empower your tween or teen to be part of the relationship-building process. Ask them to:
- Give the Au Pair a tour of their school or neighborhood
- Show them how to use an app or game
- Teach them local slang or sports rules
When older kids feel like they have something to give, they’re more likely to open up—and it flips the dynamic from “being taken care of” to being a partner in connection.
5. Be a Model for the Relationship You Want to See
If your older child sees you treating the Au Pair like family, they’ll be more likely to follow your lead. Talk openly about your Au Pair’s background. Celebrate their culture. Include them in family traditions and everyday moments.
Your behavior sets the tone.
Final Thoughts: Building Bonds That Last
It’s completely normal for Au Pair bonding with teens to take more time and effort than it does with younger kids. But the payoff is worth it—a connection built on respect, understanding, and shared experiences can be incredibly meaningful for both your child and your Au Pair.
Tools like our Back and Forth Journal for Au Pairs and Older Kids provide a structured yet casual way to start that bond.
📘 Ready to foster real connection?
Grab the Au Pair Back and Forth Journal here and make it part of your family routine.
- Affiliate Disclosure: This post may contain affiliate links. If you make a purchase through one of these links, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. I only recommend products I use or truly believe in for other host families. Thanks for your support!
